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01 July 2009 @ 12:00 pm
Title: satin in a coffin[s/a]
notes: a little something i posted on SATD that got rejected for BAD GRAMMAR. bullshit. if anyone still reads this, then im that much more grateful.


satin in a coffin[s/a]

It’s sort of like vacuuming up ants.
Off the carpet. That’s what he’s like.

I’m kneeling on the sidewalk in front of the little apartment complex, tying my shoes before I run to catch the train.
There’s a beaten down pair of Chucks near my elbow, and I look up. It’s him, from last week at Border’s, in the photography section.. All bright brown eyes. A cigarette dangling between his lips and holding two Arizona cans. He tilts one up and grins.
“For you?”

I shake my head. “You never called.”


Half a joint later. I'm swimming in the scent of him with his fingers pressed into the small of my back. We're sitting in a lawn chair on the shore next to the pier. I'm melting faster and then I'm being tossed back into the cold, cold ocean and every part of me freezes up again.
And this boy jumps in after me.


He's gone three days later. He's like vacuuming ants up off the carpet. They keep running, running until they're gone. They're fucking running.
Any little piece of him I ha ve left I've burned, trashed, fucking ruined until it's all a pile of dirt I pour onto the ground in my sunflower plant out on the terrace.

He's like ants, like the spaces between the leaves on tree branches.
It's immeasureable.
And I miss every part of him.
balloonstreetstars on July 1st, 2009 07:10 pm (UTC)
This is like - i can't even say
like when you've spent your entire life wishing for something but not knowing what
and then you find it, on the screen of a computer in gray text. something you wish you could have done, but you're glad you didnt. i don't know how to tell you what my heart did, but it felt numb and hot in places and it was like i found something intangible behind my eyelids. fuck, jess, this is amazing, but you already know i think that. when i first read this, i cried and what was once intangible wasnt anymore and fuck i missed your words.
This is like vaccuming up ants.
Off the carpet.
but you know the rest.
jess: sweatradjess on July 2nd, 2009 08:17 pm (UTC)
fucking speechless.
i love you.
alyssatshirt on July 1st, 2009 10:34 pm (UTC)
amazing. i love you. and i miss you <3
satd is ridiculous, don't even worry about it
jess: jacyeeeeeradjess on July 2nd, 2009 08:17 pm (UTC)
hi! i missed being heree. i kind of felt something was missing.
thank you.
balloonstreetstars on November 13th, 2012 12:37 am (UTC)
This is probably weird and unwanted but
I just wanted to tell you that this was written years ago (years ago can you believe it? the actual passing of time, a person I once knew) and its still beautiful, has stood the test of time.
And jesus christ I was feeling nostalgic, going through old bandom crap and reading some of your work and then reading some of mine.

You were definitely the better writer. And its weird because I'm feeling proud of you for stuff that you wrote three years ago. Anyway I guess what I'm saying is that I kind of miss you, hope you're doing well. I don't even know if you'll get this but "hey."
jessradjess on November 28th, 2012 12:32 am (UTC)
ohmygod, thank you.
hope youre doing well too, its been a long time!